I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
