Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
