all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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