So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
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You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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