If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am naked and annoyed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have post one night stand depression
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
