We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
