Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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