We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
