once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
