But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's never too late to be topless.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
