i would punch a child for taco bell
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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