mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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