Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
