ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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