we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
