she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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