when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So. Much. Porn.
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