my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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