Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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