Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize