i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
