was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
