I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
