his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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