i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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