I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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