phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
