Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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