All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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