fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
