i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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