Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
