So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
