his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
