And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
