we're blogging at a bar
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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