one two three fourrrrnication!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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