why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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