david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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