Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
