Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
