Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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