Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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