I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
