I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
