She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
