I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
