I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
