somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
