Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
