Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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