His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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