it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
