No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
