Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
