Hey man sorry I got all grabby
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
