I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
