I'm gonna have a badass scar
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
