your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
