i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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