I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
