Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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