I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
