Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
