if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
