After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
