Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
