HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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