you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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