i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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