I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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