I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
