i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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