Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
